Rumsfeld, I Still Love You!

By now we’ve all heard the criticism of Don Rumsfeld from Maj. Gen. John Batiste, ret., Maj. Gen. Charles Swannack, ret., Former U.S. Central Command chief Gen. Anthony Zinni, ret., Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton, ret., Lt. Gen. Gregory Newbold, ret., and Lt. Gen. Wallace Gregson, ret.

That’s just got to be rough.

Don, I just want you to know that I still love you.

There’s just nobody who knows how to handle the intelligence community, your generals and the Pentagon press pool like you do – browbeating them with exquisite wit, if not charm. And you do it with more flair than anyone in the Administration. The president’s verbal fumblings are getting old. The shooting and cussing by the Veep is alright, if you’re into that sort of humor. Scott, Condi and Gonzalez are pretty boring if you think about it.

But you – you keep things alive! Who else can talk about war, death, destruction, and collateral damage with such enthusiasm and style? That’s not only daring, that’s panache! It’s probably why your approval ratings are an average of 5% higher than the President’s.

In addition to this, I’d like to mention your art of tautophrasal evasion. Your skill is beyond measure:
“Suicide bombers will be suicide bombers.”, “Insurgents, well, ‘insurge’ — that’s what they do.” (thank you Wonkette).

But your artistry goes beyond such little improptu lines. You are truly a deep soul. Your epistemology still moves me – the known knowns, the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. Not only did that make perfect ontological sense – it was pure poetry. Speaking of your poetry, I could not resist posting one of your masterpieces:

Clarity
by D.H. Rumsfeld

I think what you'll find,
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,
There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.

And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.

—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing

(please find more, compiled by Hart Seely at Slate.com.)

So what if the war is not going all that well – it’s war - “Stuff happens”!! Don’t let that and all those people - generals, congressmen, Senators, union officials representing more than 200,000 civilian defense workers, newspapers, neo-conservatives, former Pentagon officials - calling for your resignation get you down. They're either concerned for your health, in their right mind, or out for your job.

If you ask me, you’re still on top of your game.

Donald Henry Rumsfeld
– the youngest, the oldest, the ultimate -
Secretary of Defense!

I still love you.